The Well-Tempered Ear

In classical music, what would be a really clever and outrageous but believable April Fools’ Day story? Tell us the best one and win prizes from The Ear.

By Jacob Stockinger

Today is April 1.

That is, April Fools’ Day.

I’ll admit it: I do not like April Fools’ Day stories or so-called jokes.

In fact, I hate them.

When I was working in a newsroom, I always considered it unprofessional to publish such stories. I saw it as a betrayal of the same public trust that newspaper and magazines are always crowing about and citing as grounds for all sorts of rights or even privileges.

But I also hate them personally as well as professionally.

That’s probably just because I am a gullible and sincere guy, a sucker who falls for them.

“Oh, really” I would almost always say – to much laughter and guffawing, disbelief and incredulity, to say nothing of embarrassment, awkwardness and shame. I was always The Joker or The Jerk.

But who knows? Maybe there is a deeper reason for my disdain of April Fools’ Day and all that it entails.

Anyway, for some reason this year I found myself at the end of March idly wondering: What would be a good April Fool’s Day story in classical music?

“Steinway Pianos to Go Digital” was one.

“Steinway to Make Violins” was another.

You get the idea. I have a very limited ability for this kind of goofing around and satire.

Maybe I just lack the imagination to be both outrageous and believable.

So I call on you, Dear Readers:

If you are so inclined, come up with and tell me: What would be a good headline for a classical music April Fool’s Day story?

Just send in your suggestions – put them in COMMENTS — and let’s see what you come up with.

If one story clearly emerges as a winner, I will personally send that person a recently published book about classical music and a new CD as a top prize. So include your snail-mail address or e-mail so I can get that address.

Happy Brainstorming!

And Happy April Fools’ Day!

And THAT is no joke.